26 April, 2010

Demolition Man

This movie, man. Fucken A.

Basically, Demolition Man is about the future. A future in which all violence and any potential for disturbance has been eradicated, and anyone who stands in the way of this peaceful existence is banished to the sewers. Nobody uses guns anymore. Cars drive themselves. You have "sex" using virtual reality visors. And... the three seashells.

Anyways - so the most violent criminals are locked up in "cryoprison" - a creative form of justice which involves freezing the accused in time, and rehabilitating them using brainwashing and mind control. Simon Phoenix ((!) Wesley Snipes) - the worst criminal in the world (or something), gets a lifetime cryo-sentence. John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone) - the fucken best cop ever, wrongfully receives a 70 year cryo-sentence, at the hands of Simon Phoenix.

Both receive a cryo-parole hearing on the same day. Simon Phoenix escapes. Stallone v Snipes. The stage is set. As the viewer, we get to watch these two total cryo-badasses go crazy on each other, in a peaceful, tongue-in-cheek Utopian future.

The best part of this movie is all the hilarious "its the future, lol" bits. Its like Brave New World, or 1984, but really user-friendly and fun. Sandra Bullock actually nails it, and plays this adorable cop who has a soft spot for John Spartan, and tries to help him adjust to life in 2032. The only restaurant to survive the "franchise wars" was Taco Bell, so every restaurant is Taco Bell. Hilarious. Schwarzenegger is president, which is awesome - because not only was this a Stallone movie.... they weren't SO far off with that one.

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