Cyclops!

A Cyclops is the name for a member of a mythical, primordial race of giants, characterized by a single eye in the middle of the forehead. The Cyclops is also a pretty cool motherfucker, if only for his fairly unimpressive "special ability", which seems to really be just its large size. See, I might be wrong, but only having one eye would almost certainly be a disadvantage, right?

Nevertheless, they helped Zeus overthrow Chronus and the rest of the Titans, forging thunderbolts for use in the war. The Cyclopes have been thought to have designed many other mythical objects, including Apollo's bow (and arrows made of sun rays) Poseidon's trident, Artemis's bow and arrows (these are made of moonlight) and Hades's "helmet of darkness". HELMET OF DARKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The best bit about "Cyclop Handicrafts" though, is this excerpt from the cyclops wikipedia: "The noises proceeding from the heart of volcanoes were often attributed to the forging operations of the Cyclopes."

Thats pretty awesome, man.

Spear Fishing

There's something so incredibly glorious about catching food this^^ way. Spearing a Fish. Yeah. Behaving more like one of nature's most wily predators, rather than the humans we've become used to being, geting drivethrough McDonalds. This is the way to hunt for food. Using tools that nature provides to you, making a weapon, and then impaling a fucken salmon with it. Then eating it.

That's fucking awesome. I want to try this one day, but only if you promise I'll catch something. And you have to gut it. I can't handle that shit.

That Lucky Old Sun

The Sun is a shining fucking golden champion. He's a Solar Deity. The Sun is the most powerful thing in our galaxy, probably. In its core, the Sun fuses 430–600 million tons of hydrogen each second. The Sun is a motherfucking beast.

The Sun gods of mythology had really awesome names... Apollo. Freyr. Sol Invictus. Helios. (a "Heliopolis" is a "Sun City". Boom) Ra. Check out Ra:


What a majestic badass! Look at the "dignified pose" he's striking.

Anyways, being "as powerful as the sun itself" is possibly the greatest thing one could ever achieve. I'm going to become that.

Air Force One

I'm gonna rise up
I'm gonna kick a little ass
I'm gonna kick some ass in the U.S.A.
I'm gonna climb a mountain
I'm gonna sew a flag
I'm gonna fly on an eagle
I'm gonna kick some butt
I'm gonna drive a big truck
I'm gonna rule this world
I'm gonna kick some ass
I'm gonna rise up
Gonna kick a little ass
Rock on! Flyin' eagle!

Air Force One is a 1997 Action/Adventure film starring (total badass) Harrison Ford, (total badass) Gary Oldman, Glenn Close and William H Macy. It follows the story of President James Marshall (Ford), who makes a career defining speech, heralding the USA's newly-bolstered stance against all things terrorism. Here's the trailer.



See, the thing I absolutely love about this movie (and something Luxury Wolf, the betrayer) quite rightfully emphasized for me - is this. Action movies, generally have a big, mighty macho dude saving the day against the odds. This character is generally known as "the Hero". And that's great. Air Force One has the motherfucking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

The President is the Hero.

So not only is the James Marshall equipped with all the necessary combat skills to kick Gary Oldman's ass, and save the day, he's also the President of the United States of America. He's both. I've never witnessed a more brash example of "PATRIOTISM, FUCK YEAH!" in my whole life.

There's also this. It could be my favourite line in the history of cinema.



"GET OFF MY PLANE."

Valkyrie

The Valkyrie, man. What an awesome lady. Awesomely POWERFUL. The Valkyrie is known as the "chooser of the slain", in Norse mythology. Which relates to Norse beliefs about War, Death and the Afterlife.

The Valkyries are the mythical women who decide who will die in battle, and bring the chosen into Valhalla, the hall of the slain. Valhalla is ruled by the Norse god Odin. Holy shit, how amazing would it be to die in an ancient Nordic battle? You'd be whisked away by one of thse hot babes, into the "Hall of the Dead", to await Ragnarök, the "final destiny of the gods".

Wagner - Ride of the Valkyries