Headdress

Headdress. Boom. This one is kind of awkward looking, but even still... This is what royal costuming should be. Kill a bunch of birds of prey, harvest those feathers, arrange them in some kind of epic hat, and away you go - leading a civillization.


Here's another thing. It just oozes majesty... You'd believe everything this guy had to say about the universe.


One last one. Boo Yah, a fucking dynamite headdress for the greatest warrior to ever live, or something. If you see this king coming towards you, run fast. Run far. Like the wind.

Headdress.

"Majesty"

Having the quality of "Majesty" attributed to you is amazing. I would absolutely love to be thought of as Majestic, particularly if i was "worthy" of the label. Such a powerful sounding word, the word Majestic is Majestic in its own right. Fucken "All-Caps" shit, bro. "MAJESTY" bro!! All the very best shit in the whole-wide universe is Majestic. Look at this:

Majesty, man.

Fucken Royal Majesty, man.

Nature's Majesty!

Bam. Majesty. Respect it.

Cool occupations: Scribe!

Hey, so, would this be a cool job? Being a scribe entails very meticulously writing shit down in the most fancy, immaculate, cool handwriting ever. Just sitting there, writing. Perhaps you'd be a Royal Scribe? Like, a guy who writes down every decree that a King or Queen would make in a Royal ledger, or something. You'd probably wear some wicked official clothing. Like a robe and a colourful cap.

It would make for an awesome ice-breaker/pickup line. "So what do you do?" "Oh, I'm studying marketing at Adelaide Uni and working retail part-time, you?" "I'm a motherfucking scribe, baby!".

Scribe trivia: Tolstoy's wife reportedly scribed, by hand, his entire novel War and Peace, by candlelight, several times over the course of several years.

Crown Jewels

The concept of having "Crown Jewels" is just fucking incredible. Its such an antiquated status symbol, and having a massive set of priceless treasures just seems so awesome, regardless of whether any real power comes from owning them.

Crowns rule. Jewels rule. Fucking SCEPTERS rule. Being in the royal family and having access to these awesome jewels would be the bomb. Going to marry into that shit one day.

Treasure rules. Wanna either a) inherit some, or b) go hunting & dig some up somewhere!

Royalty

Royalty rules. (pun!) There are so many great names for different kinds of leaders/royal people. They conjure such powerful images, and just kind of sound epic and intimidating. Check these guys out:

King, Emperor, Empress, Thane, Pope, Alderman, Pharaoh, Daimo, Shogun, Imperator, Stratigos, Margreave, Duke, Archduke, Czar, Chieftain, Rajah, fucken Maharajah, Sultan, Caliph, Vizer, Huscarl, Earl, Baron, Kaiser, Mayor, Count, Viscount - the list goes on!

Or does it?

Kings of the Night

Cats. I've never had one for a pet, and I'm not even really sure I ever will (I'm "famously" obsessed with dogs)... but cats are just fine on their own anyway.

Cats rule the night. You see them, lurking around the place - totally active in the neighbourhood, in the wee hours. I always see them, hiding under cars, and just peeping suspiciously at you from their front yards... like they're wondering why you're awake during "their time".

Little kings. Of the night.

Imperial Eggs

I really wish people still valued "excessive luxury". One of the ultimate examples of old-school excessive luxury were the jewelled eggs that the Russian Imperial family had made for them at the turn of the last century. Why were they made? Because they are an example of utter luxury and materialistic beauty.

Each egg was meticulously made for the Imperial family by the House of Faberge, with each egg taking months to create. Their designer, Peter Carl Fabergé, was actually officially given the title ‘goldsmith by special appointment to the Imperial Crown’, which is the coolest title ever.

Just marvel at this description of their craftsmanship:

"The egg is made from gold, enamelled translucent lime yellow on a guilloche field of starbursts, referencing the cloth-of-gold robe worn by the Tsarina at her Coronation.

It is trellised with bands of greenish gold laurel leaves mounted at each intersection by a gold Imperial double-headed eagle enamelled opaque black, and set with a rose diamond on its chest. This pattern was also drawn from the Coronation robe worn by the Empress.

A large portrait diamond is set in the top of the egg within a cluster of ten brilliant diamonds"

The best part? Each egg was said to hold a "surprise" inside, usually in the form of a quaint figurine, like a little hen, or sometimes a gem of some kind.

Man, I want one so bad.