Total Badasses: Yoshimitsu

Yoshimitsu is the most enigmatic and mysterious character in (both) the Tekken and Soul Calibur game franchises. He is described as a "Space Ninja" and his appearance changes dramatically between releases. Despite this, He always fights wearing spectacular-looking armor, and weilding a "Cursed Blade". He's an absolute lunatic, his moveset is second to none, and his cut-scenes are always the most epic and outlandish (aside from guys like Mokujin, who i'll probably include in the blog later).

Yoshimitsu is able to spit out noxious gas, teleport, turn invisible, run at an amazing speed, and able to fly - by rapidly spinning his sword like a helicopter rotor.

I'm a huge fan of the Tekken series, but certainly not an expert on storylines. Here's what I could decode from my research:

Yoshimitsu is the (current?) leader of the Manji Clan. The blade wielded by Yoshimitsu is also called "Yoshimitsu"... presumably because it holds the spirits of all the former leaders. After a token "respect" storyline in Tekken 1 - Yoshimitsu enters the second Tekken tournament to rescue his friend Dr. Boskonovitch.


Yoshimitsu reappears in Tekken 3 (the best overall game in the series), trying to help Boskonovitch, whose daughter is suffering from a mysterious disease. In Tekken 4, he attempts to form alliances between the Zaibatsu and the Manji Clan.

In Tekken 5 - he seeks out Bryan Fury (another total badass, and my personal favourite Tekken storyline) - who had brutally slaughtered members of Yoshimitsu's clan. And in Tekken 6, Yoshi attempts to find a new sword after realizing that his current one is a cursed weapon driving him insane.

That was a mouthful. Just play some fucken Tekken. For more total badasses, click here.

Heavy Metal: A Step Beyond Science Fiction

I just couldn't wait for Luxury Wolf to get around to posting this. He'd do a better job, but he's... I dunno, dead or something. Anyways, here's the skinny.

Heavy Metal was a series of Science Fiction comic magazines released in the 70's. They were a smattering of highly outlandish, violent, sexual, (often all three) short stories which would've appealed directly to people like Ringo, Lux and Myself - if we were about 20 years older. I still really want to read some.

Heavy Metal has published works by H.R. Giger and Esteban Maroto, and also included a graphic version of Milton's epic 1667 poem "Paradise Lost" in an issue. It was also adapted into an animated movie. Throw the theme song on (its by The Eagles' Don Felder), its amazing:

Don Felder - Heavy Metal (Takin' A Ride)



Boom. So this movie was where the Canadians were "at" in 1981. They couldn't be more awesome. So yeah, the movie was set up much like an issue of the magazine. There are 9 short stories, each of them based around the concept that a ball of "pure evil" has landed on some planet (possibly Earth, I can't remember) and is fucking up all these different kinds of crazy civilizations. One of them as you can see, has big-breasted warrior women who ride around on Pterodactyls.

Just take it at face value, man. As if you don't want to see this film right now!?

Alchemy

Chalk this one up as one of those professions I really wish was still in existence. Basically, alchemists try and turn things to gold. Midas-style... well, not Midas style, they use "ancient science" and shit. Also, they tried to come up with "elixirs" (which are badass) to prolong life, and potentially even perpetuate it. Alchemists were some fucking ambitious dudes.

Anyways, get on Wikipedia and read about some of the psychological and spiritual applications the practice of alchemy has to offer. Its some seriously interesting stuff.

Also, imagine this: You're at a party, getting a vibe for the place - and a girl walks up to you and begins some small talk. She asks you what you do for a living, and you say "Yeah, I'm an Alchemist... I'm working on an Elixir of Immortality."

Fuck yeah.

Liquid Metal, man!

This is a two-pronged post.

First prong: Robert Patrick in Terminator 2: Judgment Day has got to be one of the most badass villains of all time. Him and Hans Gruber from Die Hard. Total badasses.

Second prong: How amazing would it be to actually be made out of liquid metal in real life, like the T-1000? So amazing, thats how. You'd never need tools ever again, and you could like, melt into a puddle and get into small places. And you could totally "get" anyone who tried to mess with you.

Liquid metal. *fist pump*