Mayan Cosmos

Man, the Mayans had some the most mind-shattering ideas... This is just amazing. I love how non-chalant this seems with the labelling/captions on it. "Now, over here is the Sun Jaguar, which is just next to the Vision Serpent..."

Sun Jaguar.

Vision Serpent.

I would easily go for this belief system, based purely on the kind of shit these "Ancient Skywatchers" were churning out - its all so much cooler, more badass, and more vibrant stuff than anything Jesus had to offer. Anyways, here's a colourful version, because colours are fun.


Kind of an awesome way to summarize your entire existence, and keep your people in line. "Bird of Heaven, Cosmic Monster... You get it... Just obey them." Instant civilization!

Total Badasses: Hannibal Barca

Hannibal of Carthage is my favourite historical general. Dude is a total legend. He lived in the 2nd century BC, and is known for actually standing up to the greatest power in the ancient world at that time -- Rome.

The dude led a smallish army, including war elephants (yeah!) across the European Alps, at the time thought to be uncrossable. Even though he emerged on the other side with about half of the force he set out with initially, he still amassed several impressive victories behind enemy lines, in Roman territory.

To put it in better words, he "marauded" around Rome for a while, being a total badass and kicking Roman arse for a while. In Italy. Roman territory. Him and his elephants. So cool.

Eventually he was driven out by Romans, who were getting desperate, sending general after general against him in hope of defeating him. The dude who eventually did so was Scipio Africanus. Cool name.

Here is a Hannibal quote I think we can all agree is totally badass:

"We will either find a way, or make one."

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Jaguar Warriors? Yes please!

So if you thought the ancient Aztecs couldn't get any cooler, think again, buddy. Their military had two classes of warrior -- the "Jaguar Warriors" and the "Eagle Warriors". Hell yes!

Each class was said to wear the skin/feathers of their namesake, and took on characteristics of their animal to some extent in battle.

Imagine like, sitting in an Aztec bar and someone asking you what you did for a living, and you replying "I'm a motherfuckin' Jaguar Warrior!". Yeah!