08 January, 2011

Mass Extinction!

OK, so here it is. Actually the most terrifying thing I've ever heard of. And I mean it this time. Mass motherfucking extinction. Watch out for it.

The K-T event, or "Cretaceous–Tertiary extinction" event - is the most widely recognized occurrence of mass extinction in Earth's history. 75% of all species (all the god-damn Dinosaurs) on the planet were wiped out over the course of... well, a relatively short period of time. Most fossil records seem to point to some sort of rapid geological event, which hit Earth's "reset button" and left the Birds and Mammals to thrive in the new age.

My best bet is that it all happened because of some sort of crazy space rock, falling to Earth and completely fucking everyone up. There's a nicely placed 1.6km deep "smash hole" in the Yucatán Peninsula of Mexico, with Shocked Quartz in the rock bed. Could be the best clue. That's all I'm saying.

Reticulated Python

You're an African Reticulated Python! Yes you Are! You're so reticulated!

This is the biggest species of python on the planet, so it can pretty confidently just swoop in and claim the title of the biggest species of BADASS on the planet. These motherfuckers can devour an entire Nyala in one sitting. Nyalas aren't small.

So, yeah. Lets get this over with:

06 January, 2011


Rome. There's some serious evidence of "the magic of civilization" there, man. Its like the city itself is one of those cabinets people keep in their houses with all the valuable trinkets and china inside. Except this one has ancient buildings, statues and fountains, all with incredible backstories.

Now, everyone knows I'm a sucker for mythology, but any city founded by a guy raised by motherfucking WOLVES gets my vote. Basically, these two boys were left in the cold to die. A She-Wolf came along and picked up the slack, which was nice of her - and reared the boys back to health. They decided at some point to get started on a city.

They couldn't agree on which hill to build it on, so Romulus killed Remus, to avoid a drawn-out argument about it. I've got brothers, and violent hill-arguments happen all the time, no big deal. Anyways, seems like Romulus' hill was the right choice, because eventually a fore-runner of the "epic city" movement was born. Rome.

I really want to visit Rome one day, and I hope the mythology & magic in the air translates as well as I've let myself believe it will. It really would've been the "centre of the universe" for a good period of time. That's fucking amazing.

Hot Air Balloons

Up, up and away! Put these guys down as another super-underrated form of transportation. I would LOVE to own one of these. They create a very particular kind of "skyscape" - ie. like a landscape, but in the sky, when there's so many of them cruising at once. There's something so perfect about sliently ambling (at no particularly urgent pace) across the sky, taking it all in, and generally just being pleasant.

Pleasant stuff is the best stuff. Just chill out in a hot air balloon already, what are you waiting for?

Morning Star

Not the star, the weapon! The instrument of PAIN! Here comes the PAIN!

Not because pain is so great, but calling such a badass flail a "morning star" is just about the most insane idea going around. Blunt force. Puncture attack. Morning star.

I think I've just chosen my "zombie apocalypse survival weapon".

04 January, 2011

Danny McBride

Anyone who knows me knows I love Pineapple Express. I love every single line from it, pretty much. Every single cast member has been chosen perfectly, and some of the back-and-forth dialogue in this movie is out of this motherfucking WORLD. None moreso than the segments involving the "Last American Hero", Danny McBride.

McBride plays Red, the jerkoff who sells commercial amounts of exotic Marijuana, to Saul Silver (craftily portrayed by Hollywood Heartthrob James Franco). In addition to being one of the funniest performances of, I dunno... 2008 or whenever that movie came out, It also seems as if they just let the talent "go for it" whilst recording. It looks like a fucking fun movie to make. Dick with this:

See? if its not stylishly casual Dick-and-Balls humour, its seriously weird repartee with a spirit found only in a THC romance the likes of "Pineapple Express".

It takes a certain charisma to handle this "fat jerk" humour. Where everything you're saying is loud, obnoxious and the unabashed truth. With Red, we've got these unlikeable qualities put forth with that I-really-don't-give-a-fuck swagger, and for me at least, its infectious as fuck. I would love to have McBride's public speaking skills... as an adult, I'd be able to convince others my lack of accomplishment is a result of "nobody knowing shit" and that my time is yet to come.

Nobody knows shit. My time is yet to come.

World Tree

Happy new year, folks! I spent mine in Glenworth Valley, an amazingly beautiful piece of Australian countryside, with a pretty magical forest landscape. Plus, it had a really amazing sky. Being outside of the city at night is one of the best things you can do. We saw about 100 shooting stars, it was crazy.

Anyways, bringing in the New Year with the ghost Luxury Wolf, we had one of the most amazing conversations I've ever been a part of. Here's the skinny:

"Imagine there was this ENOURMOUS cosmic tree. One that spans the entire universe. It sits in the middle and its branches reach out into every corner of the universe. Now imagine if each planet, star, sun & heavenly body in the cosmos is a FRUIT from this tree."

*pause for mind explosion*

This is the greatest off-the-cuff conceptualization of the universe I think I've ever heard. I would worship the FUCK out of that tree, man. It has it all. Seems like we one day will end up writing our own religion, since I'm already more convinced this is true. More convinced than I am about Jesus and every other major religion in the world. Bam.