Alchemy

Chalk this one up as one of those professions I really wish was still in existence. Basically, alchemists try and turn things to gold. Midas-style... well, not Midas style, they use "ancient science" and shit. Also, they tried to come up with "elixirs" (which are badass) to prolong life, and potentially even perpetuate it. Alchemists were some fucking ambitious dudes.

Anyways, get on Wikipedia and read about some of the psychological and spiritual applications the practice of alchemy has to offer. Its some seriously interesting stuff.

Also, imagine this: You're at a party, getting a vibe for the place - and a girl walks up to you and begins some small talk. She asks you what you do for a living, and you say "Yeah, I'm an Alchemist... I'm working on an Elixir of Immortality."

Fuck yeah.

First Impressions

So I have this friend, and his name is Luxury Wolf. We've known each other for years, and I have a story that I still think back on very fondly, from our time as drunken youths. Here's the story.

So basically, we're all invited to this party. The party is being held at a marina, for some reason - so we're all out on this lovely seaside dock kind of place, sitting around the table drinking beer, eating chips... you know.. a party! Luxury is sitting next to me, and our group of friends is meeting a lot of great new people, I guess - in the hopes of increasing the size of the friendship group.

Luxury quickly drinks too much - and starts "going to town" on the cheese and crackers which are sitting on the table in front of us - I'm next to him, chatting to some people who would later become quite close friends of ours. In no small part a result of what Luxury is CONTINUALLY yelling, whenever he replenishes his cracker with some more delicious brie.

"MOTHERFUCKEN CHEESE, ASSHOLES!"

Every time! - he just keeps yelling it, and yelling it.... Calling everyone at the party he doesn't know "assholes". Amazing! I'd never seen anything like it, and every time he did it - I laughed more and more... somehow we all left a great impression, and it was one of the better parties 2006 had to offer.

So please, whenever you think of it - spread the love. Next time you reach for the "little knife" that you use to cut up some hand-held snackable cheese... remember:

"MOTHERFUCKEN CHEESE, ASSHOLES!"

Amazing.

REAL Geomancers

A Geomancer, not only is an awesome addition to any fantasy squadron - but is actually a real thing. Geomancy... or "Earth Divination" (pow!) is the process of interpreting naturally occurring patterns & markings in soil, rocks and pebbles - usually after tossing them, and making astrological predictions based on the shapes that are formed on the ground. It was apparently pretty popular throughout Europe and Africa during the Middle Ages & Renaissance.

Imagine being at a party, and someone asking: "what do you do for a living?" and you answering "I'm a fucken Geomancer, man." Fuck yeah.