Rome

Rome. There's some serious evidence of "the magic of civilization" there, man. Its like the city itself is one of those cabinets people keep in their houses with all the valuable trinkets and china inside. Except this one has ancient buildings, statues and fountains, all with incredible backstories.

Now, everyone knows I'm a sucker for mythology, but any city founded by a guy raised by motherfucking WOLVES gets my vote. Basically, these two boys were left in the cold to die. A She-Wolf came along and picked up the slack, which was nice of her - and reared the boys back to health. They decided at some point to get started on a city.


They couldn't agree on which hill to build it on, so Romulus killed Remus, to avoid a drawn-out argument about it. I've got brothers, and violent hill-arguments happen all the time, no big deal. Anyways, seems like Romulus' hill was the right choice, because eventually a fore-runner of the "epic city" movement was born. Rome.

I really want to visit Rome one day, and I hope the mythology & magic in the air translates as well as I've let myself believe it will. It really would've been the "centre of the universe" for a good period of time. That's fucking amazing.

Hot Air Balloons

Up, up and away! Put these guys down as another super-underrated form of transportation. I would LOVE to own one of these. They create a very particular kind of "skyscape" - ie. like a landscape, but in the sky, when there's so many of them cruising at once. There's something so perfect about sliently ambling (at no particularly urgent pace) across the sky, taking it all in, and generally just being pleasant.

Pleasant stuff is the best stuff. Just chill out in a hot air balloon already, what are you waiting for?

Morning Star

Not the star, the weapon! The instrument of PAIN! Here comes the PAIN!

Not because pain is so great, but calling such a badass flail a "morning star" is just about the most insane idea going around. Blunt force. Puncture attack. Morning star.

I think I've just chosen my "zombie apocalypse survival weapon".

Danny McBride

Anyone who knows me knows I love Pineapple Express. I love every single line from it, pretty much. Every single cast member has been chosen perfectly, and some of the back-and-forth dialogue in this movie is out of this motherfucking WORLD. None moreso than the segments involving the "Last American Hero", Danny McBride.

McBride plays Red, the jerkoff who sells commercial amounts of exotic Marijuana, to Saul Silver (craftily portrayed by Hollywood Heartthrob James Franco). In addition to being one of the funniest performances of, I dunno... 2008 or whenever that movie came out, It also seems as if they just let the talent "go for it" whilst recording. It looks like a fucking fun movie to make. Dick with this:



See? if its not stylishly casual Dick-and-Balls humour, its seriously weird repartee with a spirit found only in a THC romance the likes of "Pineapple Express".

It takes a certain charisma to handle this "fat jerk" humour. Where everything you're saying is loud, obnoxious and the unabashed truth. With Red, we've got these unlikeable qualities put forth with that I-really-don't-give-a-fuck swagger, and for me at least, its infectious as fuck. I would love to have McBride's public speaking skills... as an adult, I'd be able to convince others my lack of accomplishment is a result of "nobody knowing shit" and that my time is yet to come.

Nobody knows shit. My time is yet to come.

World Tree

Happy new year, folks! I spent mine in Glenworth Valley, an amazingly beautiful piece of Australian countryside, with a pretty magical forest landscape. Plus, it had a really amazing sky. Being outside of the city at night is one of the best things you can do. We saw about 100 shooting stars, it was crazy.

Anyways, bringing in the New Year with the ghost Luxury Wolf, we had one of the most amazing conversations I've ever been a part of. Here's the skinny:

"Imagine there was this ENOURMOUS cosmic tree. One that spans the entire universe. It sits in the middle and its branches reach out into every corner of the universe. Now imagine if each planet, star, sun & heavenly body in the cosmos is a FRUIT from this tree."

*pause for mind explosion*

This is the greatest off-the-cuff conceptualization of the universe I think I've ever heard. I would worship the FUCK out of that tree, man. It has it all. Seems like we one day will end up writing our own religion, since I'm already more convinced this is true. More convinced than I am about Jesus and every other major religion in the world. Bam.

Cyclops!

A Cyclops is the name for a member of a mythical, primordial race of giants, characterized by a single eye in the middle of the forehead. The Cyclops is also a pretty cool motherfucker, if only for his fairly unimpressive "special ability", which seems to really be just its large size. See, I might be wrong, but only having one eye would almost certainly be a disadvantage, right?

Nevertheless, they helped Zeus overthrow Chronus and the rest of the Titans, forging thunderbolts for use in the war. The Cyclopes have been thought to have designed many other mythical objects, including Apollo's bow (and arrows made of sun rays) Poseidon's trident, Artemis's bow and arrows (these are made of moonlight) and Hades's "helmet of darkness". HELMET OF DARKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The best bit about "Cyclop Handicrafts" though, is this excerpt from the cyclops wikipedia: "The noises proceeding from the heart of volcanoes were often attributed to the forging operations of the Cyclopes."

Thats pretty awesome, man.

Spear Fishing

There's something so incredibly glorious about catching food this^^ way. Spearing a Fish. Yeah. Behaving more like one of nature's most wily predators, rather than the humans we've become used to being, geting drivethrough McDonalds. This is the way to hunt for food. Using tools that nature provides to you, making a weapon, and then impaling a fucken salmon with it. Then eating it.

That's fucking awesome. I want to try this one day, but only if you promise I'll catch something. And you have to gut it. I can't handle that shit.

That Lucky Old Sun

The Sun is a shining fucking golden champion. He's a Solar Deity. The Sun is the most powerful thing in our galaxy, probably. In its core, the Sun fuses 430–600 million tons of hydrogen each second. The Sun is a motherfucking beast.

The Sun gods of mythology had really awesome names... Apollo. Freyr. Sol Invictus. Helios. (a "Heliopolis" is a "Sun City". Boom) Ra. Check out Ra:


What a majestic badass! Look at the "dignified pose" he's striking.

Anyways, being "as powerful as the sun itself" is possibly the greatest thing one could ever achieve. I'm going to become that.

Air Force One

I'm gonna rise up
I'm gonna kick a little ass
I'm gonna kick some ass in the U.S.A.
I'm gonna climb a mountain
I'm gonna sew a flag
I'm gonna fly on an eagle
I'm gonna kick some butt
I'm gonna drive a big truck
I'm gonna rule this world
I'm gonna kick some ass
I'm gonna rise up
Gonna kick a little ass
Rock on! Flyin' eagle!

Air Force One is a 1997 Action/Adventure film starring (total badass) Harrison Ford, (total badass) Gary Oldman, Glenn Close and William H Macy. It follows the story of President James Marshall (Ford), who makes a career defining speech, heralding the USA's newly-bolstered stance against all things terrorism. Here's the trailer.



See, the thing I absolutely love about this movie (and something Luxury Wolf, the betrayer) quite rightfully emphasized for me - is this. Action movies, generally have a big, mighty macho dude saving the day against the odds. This character is generally known as "the Hero". And that's great. Air Force One has the motherfucking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

The President is the Hero.

So not only is the James Marshall equipped with all the necessary combat skills to kick Gary Oldman's ass, and save the day, he's also the President of the United States of America. He's both. I've never witnessed a more brash example of "PATRIOTISM, FUCK YEAH!" in my whole life.

There's also this. It could be my favourite line in the history of cinema.



"GET OFF MY PLANE."

Valkyrie

The Valkyrie, man. What an awesome lady. Awesomely POWERFUL. The Valkyrie is known as the "chooser of the slain", in Norse mythology. Which relates to Norse beliefs about War, Death and the Afterlife.

The Valkyries are the mythical women who decide who will die in battle, and bring the chosen into Valhalla, the hall of the slain. Valhalla is ruled by the Norse god Odin. Holy shit, how amazing would it be to die in an ancient Nordic battle? You'd be whisked away by one of thse hot babes, into the "Hall of the Dead", to await Ragnarök, the "final destiny of the gods".

Wagner - Ride of the Valkyries