JK Simmons rules! He's "that guy" in like... every movie ever. I love guys like that! - Simmons is totally one of the kings of bit-part acting, always leaves you pretty impressed, and wondering "what's that guy's name?".
Spiderman, Burn After Reading, Party Down, Law & Order, the Yellow M&M from the commercials, Oz, I Love You Man, Thankyou For Smoking, Arrested Development... he's got such an amazing rapsheet!
Anyways - I await the day the guy picks up a "best supporting actor" gong at the Oscars, or something. It should happen someday.
Mark Wahlberg is a bad ass. So buff and charismatic, or something. He seems like he just kind of "does" movies - no pretentiousness or hesitation. His performance in Boogie Nights ruled, and I also really dug "The Departed". Great stuff.
Man, this is the guy. This is the guy I'd want in my "action force" squad, or whatever. He'd be the vice captain.
Hey, so Tsutomu Yamaguchi is cool. Both the luckiest and unluckiest man in the world, probably. This dude survived the blasts of both the Little Boy and Fat Man - the first in Hiroshima, then the second in Nagasaki. Thats's awesome.
Imagine - "oh man, nuclear war - better get out of here!"... and then retreating to the only place about to experience comparably-bad luck, Nagasaki. Also, imagine all of that happening - and then living long after the explosions, dying in 2010 of stomach cancer, at the ripe old age of 93.
Dude probably would've appreciated being alive more than anyone, ever.
Royalty rules. (pun!) There are so many great names for different kinds of leaders/royal people. They conjure such powerful images, and just kind of sound epic and intimidating. Check these guys out:
Greed - "the ultimate enemy". Greed is the best antagonist ever. Its such a simple, but such an epic theme to deal with in movies. Macbeth, Citizen Kane, Wall Street - all great examples. Here are some other ones I'm a big fan of:
Think about it, greed was what made Carl Denham bring Kong to New York City. Then obviously the monkey got free, smashed some stuff, climbed a building - it was a disaster. If they hadn't been so greedy and tried to make money off of nature, Kong would still be on that "mysterious island". Fucken greed, man.
Greed was what made John Hammond stretch his scientific ambition until it tore. He expresses that as a child, he ran a little sideshow - a flea circus. Adorable, but it was the reaction he got from the children and passersby, which led him to the destructive course of scientific exploration he took. Hammond got too greedy, too ambitious.
Greed pushed Jafar to steal the lamp and imprison Aladdin. It was also greed which brought him down - with Jafar deciding the only way to become as powerful as he desired, was to become a genie too. Awesome ending to that movie.
Greed, man. Suggest me some more movies where greed is the "real" villain. :)
I've always had a soft spot for the Stegosaurus. I always thought the duel between the Mother Stegosaur and the Tyrannosaur in Fantasia was pretty boss - the Mama, defending her young, put up quite a decent effort against the terrifying T-Rex.
Anyways, the Stegosaurus is the armour-themed guy in the Dinosaur kingdom, and has a few awesome mechanisms to enable it to survive. One of which is the obvious back plates, which not only look cool, but allow them to take "heaps more damage" than their other herbivorous colleagues.
But they also have that wicked spike arrangement on the tail! That thing is cool. Its called a "Thagomizer" which is cool, too. Imagine being clobbered by that thing! It would hurt so fucking much. I want the Stegosauri on my team, bro.
This is that same scenario, played out by the fucking DINORIDERS. *flexes*
But there's one part of this whole thing that isn't great. Here it is:
Meet "Wild Pegasus" - aka Chris Benoit. I'll let you guys use Wikipedia for most of this - but long story short: Benoit used to wrestle (in the '90s) under the name "Wild Pegasus" on his way to the top of the WWE.
He was a total badass the whole time, and had some of the most incredible wrestling skills the business had ever seen. However, at one point in 2007 - he snapped and murdered his family, before killing himself.
Anyways, this is old news, and I hope - no longer a place to stir further debate on wrestling issues. Regardless, the concept of a Wild Pegasus would be much cooler without this tarnishing it. Watch some of Chris' early work, or even his WM20 match with Shawn Michaels and Triple H. He was really, really good before he went crazy.
Ok, so back to it then. Here we go with something really awesome and mindblowing to leave you with a less sour taste in your mouth. Wild. Pegasus.
I don't know what this is, or anything - but it sounds great. Ghostblade... imagine the possibilities... You could destroy a ghost any time you wanted!
This is a post with two parts, and its about Atlas. This is the first part:
Atlas. He's one of the 12 Titans. Sons and daughters of Gaia and Uranus... although strictly speaking, alot of the Titans had different and more disturbing combinations of fathers and mothers. Anyways, Atlas pretty much just holds up the heavens. Simple as that, just hanging out, holding up the heavens on his shoulders - standing on the Atlas mountains. What a badass. Look how "strong" he is.
Very strong, that's how.
Here's the next part. ATLASES.
Atlases are great - such heavy, epic books, but awesome to have in your house. Along with a telescope, an atlas is one of the things I've decided I definitely want in my home once I'm rich and famous. Its great, whenever something comes up - to get out the atlas to look up the answer. Maps rule.
Anyways, the lesson we've learned today is that Atlas is a total strong badass, and so are books full of maps, I guess.
Matchbooks are cool - not a preferred or even particularly handy device any more, but still - their use as a kind of "business card" or something is pretty badass.
Fucken "portable fire", man. It rules. Going to get some matchbooks, start handing 'em out - and drum me up some support. :)
Once, when my buds and I were in Sydney, we saw what looked like it could've been a "PR Exercise" - on a Sunday afternoon, in a public park. The fire department had been called in to rescue a kitten from a tree. So on a Sunday, obviously the park was full of families, strollers, dogs, bicycles with training wheels, and generally a pretty wholesome crowd.
The fireman returned from the tree with the cat safely in its "rescue box" - to an explosive enthusiastic ovation from the crowd of what ended up being about 40 children, who had gathered to watch.
Quite literally one of the "nicest" things I've ever witnessed.
BATS. They're scary as hell - look at him! Flying mammals, man - thats some frightening shit. When you see one flying around, its nuts - they're so silent and awesome. They hang upside down, eat fruit and blood, and all kinds of dark and mysterious stuff. They're midnight cruisers, man!
The human has quite a good looking face, really. With the muscles and skin, hair and eyes attached, there's quite alot to see and appreciate when it comes to the topmost section of the human anatomy. However, peeling all of that away, you eventually get the skull.
Look at a human skull:
Its the symbol for poison, death... fucken' Pirates. All really ominous and macabre stuff, and we all have one. Probably the most terrifying (and widely recognized) symbol on earth, and all it really does is protect the brain from damage and support the muscles of the face.
Imagine being mailed one of these. Or finding one on the pillow next to you when you wake up one morning. Fuck.
Cats. I've never had one for a pet, and I'm not even really sure I ever will (I'm "famously" obsessed with dogs)... but cats are just fine on their own anyway.
Cats rule the night. You see them, lurking around the place - totally active in the neighbourhood, in the wee hours. I always see them, hiding under cars, and just peeping suspiciously at you from their front yards... like they're wondering why you're awake during "their time".
Ok, so this is always an "adorable little conversation". Credit goes to J-Bags for this gem of an idea. There are so many great collective names for members of the animal kingdom. I was thinking, how amazing would it be if there was just one guy that came up with all of these? Like some sort of old English Zooliterary master? That would rule. Anyways, dick with this:
So a herd of antelope, pride of lions... a pod of dolphins, etc.. thats fine and all. But there are a few which are a bit more spectacular.
A lounge of lizards A murder of crows A parliament of owls A mischief of mice
Ok, so this one is a little strange, but I'll do my best to describe what I'm talking about. So there are things, in the spectrum of history's "content" - written, visual, audible... there are alot of combinations of 2 things in there. Here's some great ones, to give you an idea:
Milk & Honey Lennon & McCartney Spaghetti & Meatballs Mischief & Mayhem Fire & Ice Salt & Pepper Rogers & Hammerstein Iron & Wine Venus & Mars Heckle & Jeckle Jekyll & Hyde Bacon & Eggs Shoes & Socks Chalk & Cheese Fire & Brimstone Sonny & Cher Martin & Lewis Bert & Ernie Peaches & Cream
Ok, so with the help of some very clever readers, we've come up with all of those. But have finally run out of ideas. Except for one. This is the greatest one ever, I'm pretty sure. Please, dear readers - feel free to offer me some more, I'll definitely add them to the list (as long as they're actual ones). Anyways: here we go - the best pairing of words in the history of the English language.
The Manticore is a mythical creature similar to Egypt's Sphinx. It has the body of a Lion, a Human face with three rows of deadly sharp teeth, and a trumpet-like voice (?). Manticores may be horned, winged, or both. They can have Scorpions tails, and can sometimes shoot barbs or spines at their victims, in order to paralyze them.
If they existed in my lifetime, I would gladly serve them as an underling... because - dude, Manticore!
The concept of a "Gentleman Caller" is just great. It was the really polite way of addressing a romantic rendezvous back in the day, before the term "boyfriend" or "just a guy I'm seeing" were coined. That's so cool - it sounds really classy and adorable to this day. I'm going to bring it back (although I'm not sure how).
I always imagine it being used by a rich Louisianian mother of 7. "Violetta, it has been months since you've had a gentleman caller. Why don't you give that nice Mister Delacroix a jingle?" or something to that effect.
Anyways, using really dated expressions is boss. Do it.
Hey, so I'm not sure what this is... but it sounds great. I'd totally love it if it IS one of those incredible, antiquated professions, like on an Ocean Liner cruise ship or something. Coldmaster.
The name conjures up such a badass image, of like... a guy in a long, dark robe - controlling the weather with his hands. He'd probably "whoosh" his hands around the place, and then shoot a "beam" of cold at someone. They'd freeze into a solid block of ice, and then he'd... I dunno, "get" them or something.
Foxes are so fucking great. Look at him! What a little champ. I realize they're total pests and eat everybody's chickens and whatnot, but still. Check this guy out! How could you not love this "species".
Clever, sly, sleek, adorable, and just plain majestic creatures. They could run this planet.
Vegeta totally rules, man. He's the prince of the fallen Saiyan race, and just an incredibly, incredibly tough and angry dude. Check out his "Widows Peak". He has this awesome special attack named the "Garlic Gun" (?) and also became a Super-Saiyan during the battle with the "Red Ribbon Army" (pow!). They're badasses, too. Anyways, shit really hits the fan when you become a Super-Saiyan, believe me.
The great thing about Dragonball Z, is how motherfucking hard it rocks out. Its like one of those guys in a music store who just doesn't care that he's been shredding on an SG (that he has no intention to buy) for 20 minutes straight. Except with incredibly fast paced and outlandish action sequences as well. Cool.
Ok, so just imagine, right, that there is a wall between dreams and reality. Imagine that this wall, for some reason, deteriorates. Everybody's dreams come flooding into reality, like an avalanche, all at the same time...
Bolo is one cool motherfucker. A cult martial artist and powerlifter, Bolo is primarily known for playing the villain Chong Li in the Van Damme vehicle "Bloodsport". Bloodsport was made in '88, while Bolo was born in 1938 -- this means that at 50, Bolo played the primary "boss" in a wicked martial arts flick.
I wish I could do that when I'm fifty.
One of the coolest "factoids" about Bolo has to do with his escape from China's real-life Communist regime -- he actually swam from China to Hong Kong. Swam. Cool.
Apparently, at 71 years of age, Bolo still powerlifts weights every day for two hours.
Check it out: the bomber which dropped the bomb on Hiroshima, was a Boeing B-29 SUPERFORTRESS. Jesus christ! What an amazing name for a thing. Boeing is one hell of a company - and despite this event being one of civilization's worst atrocities... the blow is softened (really, only slightly) knowing that it was a "Superfortress" that scorched the Hiroshima skyline.
Now for one of the most fucking chilling things I've ever heard in my life. The Hiroshima bomb, right? - the one that left approximately 140,000 people slain. Yeah, that one. Codename: "Little Boy". FUCK THAT.
The second one, dropped on Nagasaki, was codenamed "Fat Man". Scariest shit I've ever heard.
This is the third post in the series detailing the 1993 movie juggernaut: "Jurassic Park". Here are the others.
Nedry rules. Played by Wayne Knight (Newman) - who expertly delivers a clear cut, menacing performance as the only human antagonist in the movie. This fact is awesome, because he and the movie's protagonist (Dr. Alan Grant) never appear in a scene or even a single frame together.
Also - alot of people don't realize this, but Samuel L. Jackson appears in most of Nedry's scenes, with one of his more measured, subtle, and completely convincing performances. But enough about SLJ.. Dennis Nedry, man. Nedry topples the first domino, by switching off the security system - which sets the entire Isla Nublar into chaos. Yeah!
5. John Hammond: "I don't blame people for their mistakes, but I do ask that they pay for them." Nedry: "Thanks, Dad."
4. [scrambles on the ground] "My glasses... [getting up] ...I can afford MORE glasses!"
3. [To a Dilophosaur] "No wonder you're extinct."
2. "Dodgson! We have Dodgson here!... See? Nobody Cares."
Elephants rock! They're so massive and epic. And look at this one! Having such a great time. Also, Elephants are Unbridled Power... or something. The biggest Elephant ever recorded weighed in at a modest 12,000kg. The oldest one ever recorded, lived for 82 years. Both epic.
I want to both ride one and be one (not at the same time). Someday.
How about this? This rules, hey! Imagine what these trees would "have to say for themselves". They'd probably speak super-slowly and know everything about everything thats ever "gone past them".
The ones in this picture are from Mortal Kombat II - which is just because it was the clearest picture of what I wanted to write about. There were some awesome ones in an old Adelaide theme park called "Dazzleland" - remember Dazzleland? It was cool, it had those Trees with faces, and a Rollercoaster and stuff. PS: I just noticed, there's a living tree in the background, on the right - that has a really angry, demonic face. Whoa.
Chests, man. There's just something about them. Something that makes you just want to "open them" and see what's inside. It could be something awesome, like treasure. Or it could just be some old "bric-a-brac". It doesn't matter, because it's the act of opening the chest that matters. It's an act that really does elicit feelings of pure happiness and joy. At least in me.
Okay, this is one cool concept. It's the idea, usually found in fantasy fiction, that characters and character classes can have different "colours" associated with them, that signify what that character represents. For example, a White Knight is a hero, striving for the greater good. A Black Knight is (usually) an evil dude, striving for his own selfish needs.
But then there are the more obscure ones -- Red Mage? How cool is that? What about Green Mage? Maybe he or she would be a mage who uses the power of Nature? Is that cool? I think it is.
White Witch is another wicked one that most people know, but what about like, Blue Witch? A Witch that harnesses the power of the ocean. Yeah!
"The Simpsons" is a topic which hasn't yet been breached. For a few reasons.... a) because the internet is already full of Simpsons stuff, and nobody would care - and b) because The Simpsons probably really sucks still.
However, even if I'm only willing to acknowledge Seasons-2-through-11.... Homer Simpson is nonetheless one of pop cultures most glorious triumphs... The guy is more famous than Michael Jackson and the Queen of England for Christ's sake. I'll show you why everybody loves him so much.
Holy fuck. When I first saw this, it blew my mind. There's so much of an "untold story" when it comes to Homer, and this little piece makes him look like a total Hero. So, not only has Groening and his writers managed to create a character who stands for every white working class person in the western world- they've managed to make him hilarious, and incredibly multidimensional. Homer is a soldier for the working week. Cool.
Man, having a morning coffee rules. Makes you feel awesome, and generally kickstarts your day. I'm never going to be keen to start my "9 to 5" life and become a "soldier for the working week" - but if/when I do, it will be with plenty of fucken coffee at the ready.
This is such a cool, cool thing. So, there's things like life insurance, and wills and whatever - those are great. But, this concept is slightly more awesome: Basically, you're a very, very sensible guy, and you invest your money really well. You do this with very little regard for your current situation - you obviously pay all the bills and feed your family, but nothing extravagant. You're all about the long term.
So, when you die, not only do you pass down all of your assets to your significant other (financial dependents) and other remaining family - but they pick up "the books" to find that they never again have to work a day in their lives. Your investments are watertight, and there's enough to go around for everyone.
Providing for your family from beyond the grave. Nice.
Ice rules. I will try and convince you of this, in this three-headed post. First head. Check out this ice:
This ice has gone bright blue, for some reason. That's awesome. Really just because the 'cartoon' version of what ice looks like, is founded on the occurrence of actual electric blue ice. Why is it so blue? Is it "extra cold" or something? Help me out here.
Ok, so second head:
Fucken blizzards, man. Treacherous. If I was to pick a natural disaster I'd NEVER like to find myself caught in - I'd definitely choose a blizzard. Keep me away from that shit. Treacherous.
Third head: Ice cubes.
You put them in your drinks, and its great. Definitely make sure you have these available in your house, at all times. Both my girlfriend and Luxury Wolf DON'T keep ice cubes, despite the fact they have freezers. Waste of a perfectly good "chilled drinks" opportunity, if you ask me.
Girls being topless while wearing jeans is rad. Am I right, fellas?
Don't ask me why, it just is. Look at this woman! I think I'd like to live in a world where this was the social norm, to just rock out in a pair of Levis, and nothing else.
Old world maps are great! Not only are they really, really beautifully designed & decorated, but the "inaccuracy" of them is so amazing. Look at Australia, its just kind of "scrawled" because it was so hard to navigate and draw. So great.
There's also "continental drift" and stuff, but i don't reckon any of that has affected the lay of the land in millions of years - so this was the best possible result given the technology available.
Board games! Board games are totally wicked. They're such a pure "box full of fun". All you need is your buds and a sweet board game and your night is totally set. They should totally become a new "fad". Instead of going out and binge drinking, the Australian youth should have some fuckin' fun with board games.
When I was a young boy, my family bought this obscure board game called "Escape the Blob", and to this day I have such great memories of it. Basically each player was one of these little coloured alien balls, on an alien planet. Each player had to survive the longest without being eaten by the evil Blob. It was a simple "roll the dice and move so many spaces" kinda game, but my family played the shit out of it. So great. I miss it.
I could totally get into more "advanced" board games. Check this out. How much do you just wanna "play" that:
Fishing is great stuff. I really want to go again really soon. Such a great thing to do with your "Dad" as well as your "Pals". Or both, even!
There's something so awesome about serenely sitting and shooting the shit, while waiting for the fish to bite. There's like... 2 minutes of action for every hour, but that's almost the point! Just sitting around, chatting, waiting, and generally enjoying being alive.
Ok, so Synesthesia is really, really cool. Basically; its a neurological condition which people experience a secondary sensory response to an event that normally, would only elicit a response from a single sense.
Ok, that sentence kind of sucked, so here we go with a more specific description. "Feeling light waves touch your skin" - not heat, light. "Reading/writing in Colour"... "Hearing phantom music when the wind blows over you" - shit like that.
People that have this, think of the world in such incredible ways. Its like some sort of awesome "gift from god" or some shit. And the people with this condition sometimes only discover they're experiencing life any differently until it comes up in conversation! Cool.
Why doesn't everything engage the senses at a higher level? It would be so awesome and enjoyable (for a while, at least).
Its just cool, I dunno. Something about "planetary alignment" just gets me excited, for some reason. Seeing the sun and the moon in the same sky is just awesome.
Sidecars are great, bro. You can have your girlfriend OR your dog in one! The concept of a retired couple travelling across America in one of these is possibly the most endearing "activity" ever. I'd love to do it. Also, I'd make sure my dog was wearing a "bandana" around his neck.
Who came up with these guys? What a great concept. So is "Atlantis" - although I'm not sure the two are directly related.
Anyways, similarly to Sirens (who are cool as balls as well), Mermaids occasionally sing to people/gods, "enchant" them, distract them from their work and cause them to walk off the deck or run their ships aground. Other stories depict Mermen squeezing the life out of drowning humans while attempting to rescue them. They are also said to summon wild storms, and take humans down to their underwater kingdoms.
Also, Triton (Son of Poseidon) was a cool Merman... he used a Conch Shell - in his duties as "The Trumpeter of the Sea" (pow!).
Knightmare is a totally awesome obscure game I fondly remember from my childhood. The whole premise is simple. You're a knight. You go into a castle. You go through the castle killing monsters and evil dudes. At the end of every level there's a "boss", like the totally evil witch above. Its awesome.
Knightmare is an example of the idea that you don't need a convoluted plot, or even any plot at all really, to make a badass game. All you need is a "concept". The starting screen just showed a spooky castle, at night, with bats flying around it, and lightning, and the word "KNIGHTMARE!" in scary letters. Thats all you need. As a kid, I thought "awesome! I'm totally gonna go inside that castle!".
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