Pyramid

The Pyramid is a really awesome thing. All the best stuff is Pyramid shaped, because long ago - people realized that it was the best way to shape things. Triangle sides, man. Simple as that.

Now, I hate that my posts are beginning to regularly contain words from "Wolfmother" songs, but let's face it: the one thing those guys did was give their band a cool name. Anyways, best Polyhedron ever? Discuss.


This Pyramid is found on the Great Seal of the United States, for some reason. As far as I know, the USA doesn't have any notable Pyramids, but they get an "A" because they put one on their most common currency anyway. Its very mystic, very confusing - and most importantly, a very epic way to decorate your money.

Here's another guy:


I mentioned in an earlier post, that the Egyptians really knew cool ways of "being dead". This building, the Great Pyramid of Khufu is located in Giza, and was the tallest building in the entire world for 3,800 years. That's a way long time. Anyways, this Pyramid, as well as the Sphinx, and 2 smaller Pyramids - make up the "Giza Necropolis" - which quite literally means "City of the Dead". Holy smokes.

Here's the fucked up thing about ^^this particular Pyramid though... The corners point (within a ridiculously close margin) to True North, South, East and West. HOW THE HELL DID THEY KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? COMPASSES WEREN'T INVENTED YET!

How can I get myself one of these, not so much to die in, but to fucking live in!

Anyways, in closing - Pyramids.

Bear Grylls

I'm definitely not breaking any new ground here, but Bear Grylls is amazing - it actually doesn't matter at all if all the segments are strictly real or not, this show is fucking amazing. This is a segment from his show Man vs. Wild, look at how close he comes to being wiped out by this fucking train:



Basically, Bear Grylls is the most publicly-celebrated survival badass ever. He pretty much just drops into really remote/dangerous areas - does a bunch of really extreme survival demonstrations (eating bugs, wearing a dead camel, catching fish with his bare hands, etc) and finds a way out. My favourite one so far is the Irish bog-lands, or the Montanan Rockies. Really good stuff.

Anyways, just fantastic television work, real or not. Well done, Bear Grylls.

Heavy Metal: A Step Beyond Science Fiction

I just couldn't wait for Luxury Wolf to get around to posting this. He'd do a better job, but he's... I dunno, dead or something. Anyways, here's the skinny.

Heavy Metal was a series of Science Fiction comic magazines released in the 70's. They were a smattering of highly outlandish, violent, sexual, (often all three) short stories which would've appealed directly to people like Ringo, Lux and Myself - if we were about 20 years older. I still really want to read some.

Heavy Metal has published works by H.R. Giger and Esteban Maroto, and also included a graphic version of Milton's epic 1667 poem "Paradise Lost" in an issue. It was also adapted into an animated movie. Throw the theme song on (its by The Eagles' Don Felder), its amazing:

Don Felder - Heavy Metal (Takin' A Ride)



Boom. So this movie was where the Canadians were "at" in 1981. They couldn't be more awesome. So yeah, the movie was set up much like an issue of the magazine. There are 9 short stories, each of them based around the concept that a ball of "pure evil" has landed on some planet (possibly Earth, I can't remember) and is fucking up all these different kinds of crazy civilizations. One of them as you can see, has big-breasted warrior women who ride around on Pterodactyls.

Just take it at face value, man. As if you don't want to see this film right now!?

Rhinoceros

Man, this is such an awesome animal. And we've had a few on here. But this guy... This guy demands respect. Such a badass. He'd "protect his family" above all, or something. Also, in a fight - he could probably take on any member of the animal kingdom, shy of a Megalodon.

That's the crazy thing... I'm racking my brain, and I don't think there's an animal I respect more than the mystic White Rhino.

The other thing I love about this, is the ridiculous image I procured for the Rhinoceros illustration. Its in such out-of-control antiquated language. What on earth does it say? Zoom in on that shit, its really perplexing.

Throne

Thrones, man. Really, really fancy chairs. Chairs where kings... gods... champions sit. Thrones rule, because you have to be important to have one. I want one.

Check out this amazing throne. How much do you want to sit on this motherfucker?


Alot. That's how. This is the throne of Saint Peter. It resides in Saint Peter's Basilica, in Rome - and was once used by the popes. Unfortunately, my research suggests that you no longer sit on it. Such a waste. Anyways, the chair is often thought to have been actually "sat on" by Saint Peter himself, but was actually a gift to the Pope from "Charles the Bald" in 875. Very old chair.

Anyways, so now its a relic, or something. The incredible ornate bronze "decorations" were designed by Gian Lorenzo Bernini, in 1645. Not quite as old, but would still be a pretty good haul for a catburglar.

Irregardless, I'm not sure why I've been rocking the religious imagery so much lately, but still - those crazy Catholics sure know how to blow their money in spectacular fashion.

"Fire Dancer"

This is cool, whatever it is. Someone should use this as their "personal insignia" or something.


Not me though, mine's going to be a Unicorn, a Bikini Babe, and a Baby riding to heaven on a "cigar-rocket".

Pandora's Box

Check out this wicked box, dude.


Wicked, man. I love the concept of Pandora's Box. And using it as a metaphor for something in real-life, is really fun, too. "Man, you've opened Pandora's Box now" - especially if all that's happening is an argument about paying the rent, or something. Anyways, here's the mythology surrounding Pandora's Box:

After Prometheus took fire from the sun, Zeus sought reprisal by handing Pandora (the first woman on Earth) to Epimetheus, the brother of Prometheus. At the same time, Pandora was given a box that she was ordered not to open under any circumstances. Despite this warning, overcome by curiosity Pandora opened the box. Upon doing so, the evils contained within escaped into the world.

All the best stories begin with "After Prometheus took fire from the sun...".

That sucks though, I wish those evils had never escaped into the world.

Trans Am!

Imagine you're behind the wheel of this badass fucking car. Seriously, just imagine it, proud owner of this glorious Pontiac Trans Am. Look at the decal on the hood, that amazing gold striping, the incredible shiny black exterior.... What an incredible car.

Now turn the stereo volume up on this, motherfucker.

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird


You're now the coolest man to ever exist. I'd change my name to "Brock Razorskull", and name my new Trans Am something awesome like "Death's Whisper". Yeah.

Demon Lords

I don't care what you say, the greatest threat to life as we know it isn't Global Warming.


Its Demon Lords.

This is pretty much the same point from my Archangel post. No wonder religion and superstition and ritual "enslaves" a good portion of the world's population. This shit is fucking terrifying. Imagine "dealing with" this^^ guy for eternity!? He'd be such a dick!, whipping you and shit.

Man, I don't care what I have to do - somehow, I'm going to heaven.

Wind Power

Another two-pronged post, this time we're tackling the supreme power of wind! Yes, wind. The "Silent Overlord" or something epic to that effect. WHOOOOSSSSHHHHHHHH!


First prong: Boom, wind farms, bro. Renewable energy source. One that was so obvious, we should all be doing an earth-wide facepalm right now. These things are so badass and futuristic, I just can't even wait 'til they're everywhere. Like, EVERYWHERE. It'd be like some wussy (but still awesome) version of the Bladerunner universe.

The future, or at least a cool-looking minor part of it, would have arrived. Wind farms. They're the good guys. They don't want to cause any trouble.


This guy probably does want to cause some trouble. Second prong: Wind Power sorcerer. Or "Wind Wizard" - because that sounds pretty great, too. Look at this cool motherfucker. With a flail of his magic hands, he can control the wind to do his bidding. Look at him go!

Man, I'd bring about the doom of mankind, if it meant I could come back as some sort of Wind Wizard. Just in case I already am one, I'm going to try and "close the door" from where I'm sitting.

...

It didn't work.

Guys, Cheap Trick!

Hey, so chalk Cheap Trick down to being one of the greatest "oh... THAT song!" bands ever. Nobody really seems to remember the fact that they strung together 5 pretty fucking solid hits during their time (their "heyday" was around '74 - '88). They're also pretty well known for 4 decades of near-continuous touring.

They're still playing now, actually. Just incredibly well tightened, cheesy powerful pop-rock. Anyways, If I played you any of their charting songs, you'd recognize them... But here's my personal favourite:

Cheap Trick - Dream Police


Man, isn't that just the "essence" of Rock N' Roll for that period? Just such a simple chord arrangement and a pure, simple melody. So melody driven. So rad.

Archangels

This Archangel has a flaming sword. No wonder people believe in these crazy bastards. They're probably worried that if they don't, they'll get a flaming sword upside the head!

The concept of the "Wrath of God" is incredible. Its probably not going to "get you" but watch out for it, anyway. These guys would be his soldiers, or something. Epic. So not only do these guys get to fly around all over the place, but they get to wield flaming swords. Bad luck, Satan. I'm not sure you can top that.

SUPERSONIC JETS

*Guitar Solo*

More of these bad boys need to "fly overhead" more often. Its seriously been years since if felt the "raw power" of a high octane Jet, smashing it over a sporting event. They go faster than "sound" can. Incredible.

They should do flyovers of the suburbs every morning at 6am.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Things that are a "Masterpiece" are great. This is Disney's. Say what you will about Disney (I'm shamelessly a huge fan) - this was made in 1940. This shit stands up to any Miyazaki shit any day.

Fuck yeah. Masterpiece, man.

"Dream Eater"

This happy little character is named "Gengar". And Oh my god, one of the few capable of wielding the power of the Dream Eater. Best move ever.

Make sure you have a "pp Up" handy for this one. Its time for a midnight cruise. Let me lay it down for ya:

Basically, its a move in the original "Pokemon" series. You have to cast a preliminary "sleep" move on your opponent's Pokemon. Get him nice and unable to attack.

Then its Dream Eater time. So, while your opposition is asleep, you fuck him up by eating his fucken dreams. BAM! You smash his HP, and get some of your own back. Next thing you know, Gary's out of usable Pokemon and blacked out!

The Phantom

The Phantom, is perhaps a fairly underrated total badass, for a few reasons. First, look at his ring. Badass. He leaves you with his mark after he punches you. Second, the Phantom is set in "the jungle". The jungle rules. Third, his reputation. Check it out:

The Phantom is the lone survivor of an invaded ship, which wrecked on a "Bengallan" beach. After the slaughter of his father and entire crew by Pirates, he swore to perpetually fight against piracy, greed, injustice.... and took on the Phantom persona.

His son, and then grandson in turn adopted the Phantom identity, earning the nicknames "The Man Who Cannot Die" (Boom), "Guardian of the Eastern Dark" (Boom) and "The Ghost Who Walks" (Boom), with many Bengallans believing him to be immortal.

The guy just strikes fear into anyone plotting to do any shady "Jungle Business". He doesn't even have any real superpowers... Just pistols and rings.

Genius. I never know what's going on when I see the daily strip, but now I'm going to try and "follow it" for a while.

Phoenix

Phoenix.... Mystical, powerful Phoenix.

These dudes are amazing. They're mythical "Fire Spirits" with a 1000 year lifespan and the ability to be reborn. When a Phoenix dies, it settles into a nest, ignites, and from the flames comes a brand new Phoenix (or an egg containing one), ready to invigorate the imagination of a new generation. In some stories, Phoenixes can also transform into people.

Badass. I hope to one day "be" one.

The Irresistible Force vs. The Immovable Object

No, not the Omnipotence Paradox.... This was dubbed the "Biggest Mainevent in Sports Entertainment". Hulk Hogan versus Andre the Giant, WrestleMania III.

It was Wrestling's peak, a peak the WWE have only just barely managed to reach a couple of times since. This was Hulkamania, the entire country (America) got behind this balding, over-the-top, spirit-of-the-80s muscleman.

The most popular and charismatic wrestler of all time, deserved the most fearsome and credible of opponents. Andre The Giant, a 7-foot, awkwardly-clumsy ogre of a man, was widely believed to be undefeatable, due to his sheer size. The marketing and build up to the event was second to none, and for the event, I think the WWF broke every attendance and pay-per-view record (at the time) by a country mile.

The match, however - hasn't quite stood the test of time as well as the "mythology" of the event. Luckily, for the most part- the quality and athleticism of wrestling matches since has evolved well past the "acting" and "storyline" elements. But, I digress.

Here's a dramatized run through of the match - pretty impressive... Especially the ending - watch the crowd lose their shit. :)

Total Badasses: Roy Orbison

Roy Orbison is, in my opinion - perhaps a little under-appreciated by the youth of today. In the early '60s, most male musicians put forth a macho, masculine persona. Orbison instead portrayed a quiet, desperate, lonely character.

He nailed it on most occasions, too - with some huge hits in "I Drove All Night", "Oh, Pretty Woman", and "Only The Lonely". Great tracks, absolutely timeless. Plus, he just looks and sings like a fucking badass. What woman wouldn't swoon over THIS guy?:


Timeless. Here's my favourite track of Roy's, the very last single he released before his heart-attack and subsequent death in 1988. For some reason the idea he died shortly after, makes this song all the more tender. :)

Roy Orbison - You Got It

[mp3]


For more Total Badasses, go here.

"Painkillers"

Has anything this innocently commonplace ever had such a terrifying name? Painkillers, man - they're pretty great (I'm typing this with one shoulder recently dislocated), and just such an awesome word to describe what they do. As if anyone would say out loud "I'm need to take some Analgesics"... that's fucked.

"I need some motherfucking Painkillers."

Now we're talking.

Those Summer Nights....

Its official, I miss the summer. Not for those horrible blisteringly dry days, but for the amazing nights. Just perfect setting for sitting outside enjoying the warm darkness. So great. The imagery that goes along with "hot summer nights", and all of that Miami nightlife scene is just awesome. Check out that classic sunset, so 80's and brilliant.

Really, i just want an excuse to "wear a shirt with the buttons mostly undone".

And ride this around:



Yeah man, I'd own on that thing, I wouldn't wear a helmet, either... Unless it had some sort of naked woman on it. Also, I'd be listening to this:

ABBA - Summer Night City

Gryphon!

Hey, so this creature fucking KICKS ASS. Look at this glorious fellow!


Gryphons, man. Or Griffins. Badass mythical creatures, oh my god. Look at this majestic monster! Such a cool combination of influences on this thing.... as in, he's a monster, but fighting for the "good guys". That's brilliant.

When I made my last post, I immediately decided these guys were not only one of the greatest examples of something that just oozes Majesty, but they more than qualified as a creature worthy of its own post.

I salute you, almighty winged overlords!

"Majesty"

Having the quality of "Majesty" attributed to you is amazing. I would absolutely love to be thought of as Majestic, particularly if i was "worthy" of the label. Such a powerful sounding word, the word Majestic is Majestic in its own right. Fucken "All-Caps" shit, bro. "MAJESTY" bro!! All the very best shit in the whole-wide universe is Majestic. Look at this:

Majesty, man.

Fucken Royal Majesty, man.

Nature's Majesty!

Bam. Majesty. Respect it.

Watch Out! Sand Wraith!

Look at this scary motherfucker. Sand Wraith, bro - he'll get ya. Something so epically sinister about a creature "emerging" from a cloud of sand, attacking its prey, and then disappearing into the night... Badass.

I want to BE one and AVOID one at all costs.... not at the same time, obviously.

Leaning: It's the coolest thing ever

Dude, leaning against things. It's awesome. It makes you instantly cooler. Way back in history, somebody awesome probably just decided that he "didn't feel like supporting ALL of his weight" - and leaned against a wall. Probably blew some 12th Century minds.

Yeah man, leaning. Try it out sometime, it looks amazing and you'll feel invincible. Classic James Dean shit.

Anyways, get a load of this:


See? Coolest shit around/in town.

Cloud Kingdom

Yeah! Cloud Kingdom! *Fist Pump*. Such a freaking great concept, building an entire city upon a cloudscape. Or Dreamscape. Whoa.

I dunno, I guess that's all.

Storms. BOTH kinds.

Ok, so Storms. Storms are badass. This Storm-themed post has a couple of tendrils, just like the Ice post. Here's the first tendril:


Just a fucking powerful, fearsome bit of weather. Look at that guy, just looming over the little farmstead. Get the fuck out of the way of that fucking storm! Treacherous. Merciless. Unrelenting. Storm.

I think its really just the word "storm" that gets me going, man - such a badass term for "inclement weather".

Second Tendril:


Fucken SANDSTORM, man. Check that shit out! Sand everywhere, coming from all angles. You'd get so disorientated and lost in there, man. Crazy. That's the kind of shit that will give you "Desert Madness" quicker than a hiccup. Plus, your accuracy would greatly fall.

Yeah, Sandstorm. Deal with it.

Total Badasses: Serge Gainsbourg

When I think of the words "Europe" and "cool" together I think of Serge Gainsbourg. What a fucking cool guy. Always with a cigarette in his hand, always drunk and slightly disheveled, this guy was the debauched poet/bard of his generation.

There are some amazing stories about Serge. In the 60s he wrote songs for various pop artists, one of whom was a very young French starlet named France Gall. One of Gall's biggest hits was the Serge-penned Les Sucettes, a seemingly innocent tale of a little girl who loves aniseed-flavoured lollipops. France continued to sing and perform the song until eventually finding out it was about oral sex, at which point she locked herself away for several months out of shame. Serge. What a dirty badass..

Watch them perform Les Sucettes here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Nr0dUcrAU0
(can't embed this one, darn!)

Another is from his late period, in the 80s, when he'd appear on French TV, constantly drunk and ramble erotically. Here is a legendary moment when he tells Whitney Houston that he wants to fuck her:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMdXi6f5KRg

For more total badasses, click here.

I Dunno, Moondragon?

Yeah, so here's a nice picture of a dragon, up in the serene night sky. A Moondragon. There he is.... Just up there, chilling out, enjoying his "Moon Kingdom" or something. Pretty cool, huh?. What a champ.

PS: Don't read this, just look at the Moondragon.

Rocket Sled!

Dude, Rocket Sled!


Ever wanted to break the land speed record? Sure you have! Ever wanted to watch something go 10,325km/h? Me too! Lets buy a Rocket Sled, bro!

Also, this:



Joseph Kittinger, man. He did the coolest shit ever possible. He put on a flight suit, went 102,800 feet in the air (high enough to see that the Earth is indeed a sphere) in a hot air balloon... and then leaped out.

It was the highest, fastest, and longest skydive ever. By a country mile. On the way down, he experienced incredible G-Forces (see above), and went through the sound barrier.... except he wasn't "in" anything. No vehicle. That's incredible.

He totally lived to tell the tale.

In conclusion, This:

The Ark of the Covenant

Man, religion had the best writing staff. This thing rules. Its basically just a really, really holy box. It holds the inscribed tablets of the 10 commandments, and was powerful enough to part the Red Sea, or the river Jordan, or some shit.

Badass.

Also - look at the crazy shit going on on top of that thing! Fuck! Two cherubim angels, pointing their wings toward each other. Fucking badass. Such a fancy box! I'd totally keep my vinyls in there.

Nah just kidding, I don't have "vinyls".

Vision Quest!

A Vision Quest is a rite of passage in Native American culture. Shamanistic rituals, bro. Basically, when you're a youth becoming a grown man/woman, you fast, and head out into the wilderness, and become attuned to the Spirit World. Pwaaaaah!

Let's go "complete" one!

Stephen Root rules

Stephen Root is one of my favourite comedic character actors. He's a champ. This is arguably his most famous performance.


Fucken Milton from Office Space. This movie is one of the most underrated - or deserving of cult status or whatever - of all time. Milton is the most memorable character in the whole thing, and the one who ultimately wins out. Milton rules. If you haven't seen this movie GO AND SEE IT RIGHT NOW. Its awesome.

Also this:


Bill Dauterive. Yeah yeah, another "I love King of the Hill" post, but seriously - some of the most clever shit that's ever happened on TV, let alone on FOX. More consistent than all of the "Big Players" in the TV Family-Animation game.

Bill is Hank's pathetic best friend, and the lonely bachelor of the group you famously see standing in the alley drinking beer. He's a military man, an Army Barber actually - and is known for his willingness to go along with anything. He's also Cajun. The episode where he joins a Hippie commune is just gold.

Mongolian Death Worm

That's right. It's the motherfucking Mongolian Death Worm! Cower before it! But seriously, this thing has actually been rumoured to exist! The Mongolian name for it is the olgoi-khorkoi, and sightings of it have been reported in the Gobi desert for hundreds of years by locals.

Not only is it freaking huge, but locals have said that it fucking spews sulphuric acid at you (!), and can send a lethal electric discharge from a long distance (!!). Not only that, but its fatal to the touch. So in summary, its a gigantic, electric, acid-spewing worm that kills you if you even touch it.

Mongolian death worm. Another amazing cryptid.

Also, I think I've found an amazing name for my penis...

Cool occupations: Scribe!

Hey, so, would this be a cool job? Being a scribe entails very meticulously writing shit down in the most fancy, immaculate, cool handwriting ever. Just sitting there, writing. Perhaps you'd be a Royal Scribe? Like, a guy who writes down every decree that a King or Queen would make in a Royal ledger, or something. You'd probably wear some wicked official clothing. Like a robe and a colourful cap.

It would make for an awesome ice-breaker/pickup line. "So what do you do?" "Oh, I'm studying marketing at Adelaide Uni and working retail part-time, you?" "I'm a motherfucking scribe, baby!".

Scribe trivia: Tolstoy's wife reportedly scribed, by hand, his entire novel War and Peace, by candlelight, several times over the course of several years.